Destress

I think I'm luckier than most housemans at the moment as I get to go home for a day after 3 weeks of work. It's really important to destress every now and again before any mental illnesses appears.

Since my parents had free food vouchers and coupons for Krispy Kreme and Starbucks, that's where we went for lunch followed by 2nd lunch. Hahahaha.

Free one sugar glazed Krispy Kreme doughnut with purchase of and Combo meal. Very sweet and crunchy coating over the really soft doughnut.

We had 2 combo meals. The tuna panini wasn't really outstanding but I liked the turkey bagel. The tomatoe in the bagel was as big as the bagel itself. Most probably imported as Malaysian tomatoes are 1/4 of the size.

Melted Mushroom panini at Starbucks. Really delicious. Much nicer than Krispy Kreme. Loved the hazelnut hot chocolate.

Melted Chicken Panini. A bit of tandoori flavour with cheese. Yums.

Shepard pie. Small but tasty. Looks a lot like a muffin but it's savoury.

I'm having some pre-calls depression now. On top of that, I'm having this really bad flu, cough and a big ulcer on the tip of my tongue. Hopefully I'll survive till Monday evening. When will be the next destressing session?

At the moment when least expected

when you're inserting a cannula into a crying child, a patient goes into SVT and lecturer and MO are busy saving another person's life, you receive a phone call from the nurse asking you to prepare adenosine. All my knowledge on Advance Life Support just somehow vanished into thin air.

Then it happened, the famous needle-stick injury, when I was preparing the flush. Luckily it was from a clean needle. Halfway bleeding, halfway relieved to see my lecturer but fear that she'll comment on the injury, I quickly found some plaster and gloves to prevent any cross contamination. At least now I know how it feels getting poked by me.

I somehow survived the famous 36 hours oncall. Slept 10 hours straight but still insufficient. Working again in 1 hour's time.

Anyone out there?

Who can reassure me that I'm going in the right speed and direction.

That I'm not too slow, stupid and lazy.

That I can make it through these 2 years without getting extended.

That my compassion and empathy will still remain with me after all the disappointments and stress.

That I'll end up with more knowledge and experience that one can ever gain in this short time frame.

Another week and I'm still lost and blur!!!!!

Perfecting....

the skills of looking awake and functioning but actually the brain has completely shut down.

i don't care anymore

i seriously don't care. who cares if i'm too tired to concentrate. who cares if i was supposed to review the patient. the thing that was emphasised was only record keeping. all my patients are my guinea pig. let's hope nobody dies while i'm oncall tonight, again.

I wonder why...

students applying for medical school are never assessed for their physical stamina as this was what's going to keep you awake and alert for 36 hours oncalls at least 7 times a month as a HO in Malaysia. Now I'm really pushing my glycogen reserve to the maximum after missing lunch, dinner and breakfast. Poor liver. At least I managed to catch 3 hours of sleep.

HO in other hospitals get to tag the more senior HO for 2 weeks before they're let off into the wild. Here in UM, I was already put oncall on my 5th day of work. Tag, what tag? I was expected to know everything right from the start which I felt was very unfair. Even simple U&Es are called BUSE (blood urea serum electrolyte) here. Then what's the difference from renal profile? Hmmm...will find out later. Maybe RP tests more electrolytes.

I remembered that it was not easy to get a Depression history as you had to go to the isolated psychiatric building, made to carry a keyring which can toggle off the alarm if the patient became aggressive, had to wait for a nurse or doctor to let you through those prison-looking doors with Pentagon level of security, when all you had to look for was just any new HO in Malaysia. I haven't come across anyone in my hospital who was very happy and motivated when they first started out. Depressed HOs? Yes, 99.9%.

So, some tips on surviving the first week:

1. Try to familiarise yourself with the layout of the hospital especially if you're really slow on the job. You don't want to waste more time getting lost while you're oncall.
2. Pack loads and loads of biscuits or instant food in your bag. If possible, in your lab coat as most of the time, you don't have the privilege of having a proper meal.
3. Be prepared to be scolded, ridiculed, scowled at not only from your MO but from nurses who you pleaded for their help in assisting you in the middle of the night.
4. See 1, do 1. Most of the time, listen to the instructions for practical procedures over the phone or read them off a paper and then off you go and do without supervision. I pity all my guinea pigs.
5. Accept the fact that you're not a human but a robot who is still very accurate even without charging the batteries.
6. Master the art of listening through one ear and letting the information pass through the other. Especially when the transmitter's volume is above noise pollution level. Meanwhile, transport your mind to somewhere else when you felt happiest. Make sure your facial expression stays serious and don't start smiling stupidly. I did that once this morning and had to call my super duper annoyed MO again to reconfirm the rate of blood transfusion for my patient. Haih....

Will I survive another day? What if I quit medicine? Why did I even graduate from medical school?

I've been battling with all these thoughts since the first day I stepped into my working life. How much longer can I bear it? I seriously don't know and don't want to think about it.

Next oncall: Tuesday and I'm dreading it every single moment.

A new chapter

Here I am, typing away on my laptop on the hotel couch, pondering the challenges ahead, wondering if I can survive the next 2 lifeless years. My induction ends tomorrow after a 1.5 hours BTN test on how well one knows Malaysia. I'm still clueless as to how am I going to pass this test after a mere 4 hours lecture and a 2 hour long (to be more precise, 2 hours and 9 minutes) movie which ended with both the main actor and actresses asking each other,

'Kau masih nak aku?'

For those who are interested, the movie title was 'Hati Malaya'.

By the way, I feel really lucky to be allocated my first choice of hospital, which is University Malaya Medical Centre (UMMC or PPUM) and I'll be reporting for duty at 8.30am on Monday. 3 more days and counting down to the start of the horror. Not only that, I heard that the O&G department are lacking of housemans at the moment. Noooooo.....I don't want to start on the most difficult rotation!

2 years, it's just 2 years. 2 years of training to turn me from a useless fresh grad to a super doctor. I wonder if it really works? I would believe it more if it were to turn someone into a nutcase with the 7 till 10 working hours and 36 hours on-calls. I think I'll make an appointment with the counselor on my first day to see her after a week.

I don't know how much longer can I continue blogging. I hope that 1 fine day, I can look back at this entry and laugh at my own stupidity at this moment.

Finally

The letter of doom arrived today at 1.20pm via Postlaju. According to the records, it's been sent on the 8th October which was Friday but due to the maximum snail speed that it can travel, it only arrived today.

Induction in Malacca, 18th October 2010. I'll only find out where will I be posted after 11pm that day.

As I was reading through the first page, suddenly, it all went dark, silent and even the air became so still. No electricity!!!!!!!

I wonder what came together in that brown envelope. I suspect it's not only the documents relating to my induction. How powerful.

Luckily, the power cut lasted only an hour. I almost died from the heat of 37 degree Celsius.

Goodbye carefree days, so long 8 hours of sleep, farewell afternoon naps.

While waiting.....

for the letter of doom, which I'm informed that it'll arrive after the 8th bringing news about the start of my misery from the 18th. I've been keeping myself occupied with...

2 AGMs

E&O AGM- Went there, no door gift, drank a cup of tea, then went back to.....

Maybank AGM - where I had a good laugh at some of the questions and comments from the floor and witnessed how Malaysians rush for food when the doors to the buffet opened like there's a long famine going on in the country. I was really hard hit by the fact that I'm back in Malaysia. Queues weren't followed, people pushing and fighting to get the plates and dishes. Some even came with plastic bags and Tupperware to take away when not everyone has taken their share yet. Welcome to uncivilised Malaysia! When will it be a time when I can proudly say that I'm a Malaysian?

ECM Libra 4Q10 Investment talk:

It was held at Equatorial Hotel in KL and the breakfast was delicious!

This programme is highly recommended as it gives a very good insight to the direction of the Malaysian share market and also recommends stocks to watch out for.

Right after that, I rushed off to trader's club meeting at ChartNexus. Phew, only managed to have lunch at almost 4 in the afternoon. Training for HO.

I found out that many of my friends have received their induction letter which will be held next week. I myself was allocated to the following week's group so I'll have an extra week off. Feel a bit left out but at least I can polish up my skills in investment in the meantime.

Dining at Top Hat Restaurant

I think I better start blogging a bit about current things as my blog has been living in the past for a bit too long.

I'm only occupied on weekdays when the share market is open nowadays. I've been busy making and losing money. Hahaha. But overall, I'm in the profit. Recently, I've been tempted to the dark side of KLCI futures by my dad. It's totally a new level as compared to the stock market as the risks and rewards are much higher. I hope that I don't get hypertension from trading this.

Yesterday was a weekend, that's why the whole family is so free. We came across a restaurant which was features in The Star newspaper on Saturday so we decided to give it a try. Another reason why we went on a Sunday was because everything on the menu was half price.

After driving in circles, we managed to find the restaurant - Top Hat Restaurant. We didn't even expect the place to be so posh.

The restaurant was packed with people as there was a function to celebrate a baby's 1 month old birthday was ongoing when we got there. Luckily, after waiting for a few minutes, we were ushered upstairs by the owner herself. The restaurant was beautifully decorated with carved furniture, batik and songket.

My eyes popped out when I saw the prices on the menu. Luckily it was 50% off that day or I'll just stick with sky juice.

 The satay wasn't that good. I liked how pieces of lean chicken was used but the sauce was too dilute. The oxtail stew and laksa were really tasty. The oxtail was very tender and the stew itself was very rich in flavour but not salty. The laksa style was more of a Southern style of cooking where it had curry as a soup base. The portions reminded me of UK. Worth the money if you decide to dine on a Sunday.

 That's the address of the restaurant if you're interested. It's very near Petronas Twin Towers. Previously it was a detached house but now converted into this lovely restaurant.

I've found out that one of my friend has got her appointment letter for work. I wonder when will it be my turn. Hmmmmm