Buffet Dim Sum at Marriott Hotel

We went to Marriott Hotel in Putrajaya today for my belated birthday lunch. This was one of the rare opportunities for me to fatten myself up as I've lost about 6kg since the last time I weighed myself in UK.

We went to this posh Winter Palace restaurant inside the hotel for our Shanghai Dim Sum buffet. I liked the relaxing and spacious atmosphere.

Thank you mama and papa for the lovely lunch. I was so full and had to stop the waiters from serving us more baskets of dim sum.

From the usual Siu Mai to Crystal prawn dumplings, stir-fried asparagus, Hot and Sour Crab soup, Seafood congee, Fried chicken with salted egg batter, etc. All of them were delicious! Maybe I've gained back the 6kg which I've lost in just 1 sitting. Hahahaha.

Back to work tomorrow but luckily, it's just a half day. Going to start preparing for MRCP Part 1 from now on. Anyone interested in forming a study group?

P.s. I realised that interpersonal skills are essential to survive housemanship. The better your interpersonal skills, the easier your life will be. Work smart and not hard. The communication skills that I've learned over the 5 years have served me well.

Wrong timing

Why don't you sleep when I'm trying to sedate you. After giving you maximum doses of 2 medication plus another dose of undisclosed medication, you finally gave your last struggle and fell into a deep sleep.

Now I want to discharge you but you're sleeping like a log. How can you treat me like this?

Note: At last, my patient was fully awake before I left home and was safely discharged from hospital.

I miss being bored!

This always happens. I'll only learn how to cherish it once I lose it.

The good thing is, I'm learning how to cherish all the little things. That extra 10 minutes of sleep that I gained today. The 2 hours lecture that I was selected to attend out of so many house officers this afternoon. I used to hate lectures but nowadays, they give me an opportunity to clear my head and solely concentrate on learning.

I felt fortunate for the opportunity to learn about the existence of Insulin Tolerance Test which needs to be carried out under supervision over 2 hours. Too bad I couldn't stay for the whole run as I had to rush off to join my ward round and clerk the new patients who were just admitted.

I feel so lucky to be able to feed and water myself during oncalls nowadays when I didn't get the chance last time. I was touched that the nurses offered me KFC in the middle of the night when I was doing my call. The best thing was, I was offered chocolate in the morning by nurses from my own ward.

I still do miss being bored despite all the things that I'm grateful for. When will be the next time that I'll get to feel as bored as I use to while waiting for my posting. Retirement, why are you so far away?

I just don't get it how

other people can have time to eat and take a shower during oncalls and yet I'm just not keeping up with the one hundred and one things that I'm supposed to do all at once. Hmmmmmm.......

Oncalls on holidays starts from 9am and ends 7am the next day, on top of that, you have to come earlier to cover your own wards and continue working from 7.30am the next day and finish as usual, after 5.30pm.

Am I learning on the job? I'm quite doubtful. Learning the skills of being scolded but treating it as if the one being scolded is not you.

Destress

I think I'm luckier than most housemans at the moment as I get to go home for a day after 3 weeks of work. It's really important to destress every now and again before any mental illnesses appears.

Since my parents had free food vouchers and coupons for Krispy Kreme and Starbucks, that's where we went for lunch followed by 2nd lunch. Hahahaha.

Free one sugar glazed Krispy Kreme doughnut with purchase of and Combo meal. Very sweet and crunchy coating over the really soft doughnut.

We had 2 combo meals. The tuna panini wasn't really outstanding but I liked the turkey bagel. The tomatoe in the bagel was as big as the bagel itself. Most probably imported as Malaysian tomatoes are 1/4 of the size.

Melted Mushroom panini at Starbucks. Really delicious. Much nicer than Krispy Kreme. Loved the hazelnut hot chocolate.

Melted Chicken Panini. A bit of tandoori flavour with cheese. Yums.

Shepard pie. Small but tasty. Looks a lot like a muffin but it's savoury.

I'm having some pre-calls depression now. On top of that, I'm having this really bad flu, cough and a big ulcer on the tip of my tongue. Hopefully I'll survive till Monday evening. When will be the next destressing session?

At the moment when least expected

when you're inserting a cannula into a crying child, a patient goes into SVT and lecturer and MO are busy saving another person's life, you receive a phone call from the nurse asking you to prepare adenosine. All my knowledge on Advance Life Support just somehow vanished into thin air.

Then it happened, the famous needle-stick injury, when I was preparing the flush. Luckily it was from a clean needle. Halfway bleeding, halfway relieved to see my lecturer but fear that she'll comment on the injury, I quickly found some plaster and gloves to prevent any cross contamination. At least now I know how it feels getting poked by me.

I somehow survived the famous 36 hours oncall. Slept 10 hours straight but still insufficient. Working again in 1 hour's time.

Anyone out there?

Who can reassure me that I'm going in the right speed and direction.

That I'm not too slow, stupid and lazy.

That I can make it through these 2 years without getting extended.

That my compassion and empathy will still remain with me after all the disappointments and stress.

That I'll end up with more knowledge and experience that one can ever gain in this short time frame.

Another week and I'm still lost and blur!!!!!

Perfecting....

the skills of looking awake and functioning but actually the brain has completely shut down.

i don't care anymore

i seriously don't care. who cares if i'm too tired to concentrate. who cares if i was supposed to review the patient. the thing that was emphasised was only record keeping. all my patients are my guinea pig. let's hope nobody dies while i'm oncall tonight, again.

I wonder why...

students applying for medical school are never assessed for their physical stamina as this was what's going to keep you awake and alert for 36 hours oncalls at least 7 times a month as a HO in Malaysia. Now I'm really pushing my glycogen reserve to the maximum after missing lunch, dinner and breakfast. Poor liver. At least I managed to catch 3 hours of sleep.

HO in other hospitals get to tag the more senior HO for 2 weeks before they're let off into the wild. Here in UM, I was already put oncall on my 5th day of work. Tag, what tag? I was expected to know everything right from the start which I felt was very unfair. Even simple U&Es are called BUSE (blood urea serum electrolyte) here. Then what's the difference from renal profile? Hmmm...will find out later. Maybe RP tests more electrolytes.

I remembered that it was not easy to get a Depression history as you had to go to the isolated psychiatric building, made to carry a keyring which can toggle off the alarm if the patient became aggressive, had to wait for a nurse or doctor to let you through those prison-looking doors with Pentagon level of security, when all you had to look for was just any new HO in Malaysia. I haven't come across anyone in my hospital who was very happy and motivated when they first started out. Depressed HOs? Yes, 99.9%.

So, some tips on surviving the first week:

1. Try to familiarise yourself with the layout of the hospital especially if you're really slow on the job. You don't want to waste more time getting lost while you're oncall.
2. Pack loads and loads of biscuits or instant food in your bag. If possible, in your lab coat as most of the time, you don't have the privilege of having a proper meal.
3. Be prepared to be scolded, ridiculed, scowled at not only from your MO but from nurses who you pleaded for their help in assisting you in the middle of the night.
4. See 1, do 1. Most of the time, listen to the instructions for practical procedures over the phone or read them off a paper and then off you go and do without supervision. I pity all my guinea pigs.
5. Accept the fact that you're not a human but a robot who is still very accurate even without charging the batteries.
6. Master the art of listening through one ear and letting the information pass through the other. Especially when the transmitter's volume is above noise pollution level. Meanwhile, transport your mind to somewhere else when you felt happiest. Make sure your facial expression stays serious and don't start smiling stupidly. I did that once this morning and had to call my super duper annoyed MO again to reconfirm the rate of blood transfusion for my patient. Haih....

Will I survive another day? What if I quit medicine? Why did I even graduate from medical school?

I've been battling with all these thoughts since the first day I stepped into my working life. How much longer can I bear it? I seriously don't know and don't want to think about it.

Next oncall: Tuesday and I'm dreading it every single moment.