Disappointed

Have you ever encountered a situation where you're really disappointed in yourself?
Wishing that you could turn back the time and do something differently?

Knowing that without that nervousness, that uncertainty, that tiredness, that nagging feeling behind your head that you shouldn't have done that but the autopilot mode doesn't allow you to trust your instinct and still continue digging a deeper hole..... knowing that without all those, you would have sailed through that dreaded mock exam easily and even ace it!

I don't know what is worse, failing because you absolutely don't know anything or failing because you can't perform under duress but the knowledge is there.

I want to turn myself into a punching bag and kick and strangle myself a few times now.

Enough of my ranting. From today onwards, it will be the last stretch, the last chance to give it all, the last opportunity to show what I've really got.

I hate exams, I really do.

Two ends of a spectrum

I admire people who can say 'I have a dream'. At least there is only 1 dream and they can focus on achieving it.

For me, I have two dreams one quite impossible and the other almost impossible, both at each end of the spectrum.

Dream 1: To be the first Malaysian to win the Nobel prize

Nobel Museum in Stockholm. The winner gets a Nobel Prize Diploma, Nobel Prize Medal, and cash award which fluctuates each year depending on the interest rate but currently it is 10 million SEK. The prize giving ceremony is held on the 10th of December each year as it is the anniversary of Alfred Nobel's death.

Fame, prestige, and wealth. These three shouldn't be the main reasons why I want to win the Nobel prize but maybe it is. However, the chances of me achieving this is quite impossible. At least there's 6 areas to compete in:

Physics: Invent a time machine
Chemistry: Invent pure energy which does not produce any waste products
Medicine: Invent a cure for cancer
Literature: Revolutionize the way of writing
Peace: Fight for the vision where every part of the world is a place where we can feel safe in
Economics: Accurately predict the trend of evolving economics

Will I be able to achieve any of the above? Only time will tell.


Dream 2: Retire rich and young

Without having to worry about money, I would go travel around the world, blog about my travels, and share my experiences with my readers, invest part of my wealth to create more.

However, by the time I can start working, I'll be almost 25. That's already a quarter of a decade. Most probably I'll spend most of my life working as a doctor and trying to get rich in the meantime.

I know some of you will be thinking that there's many ways of getting rich and retiring young, like marrying a rich husband, strike lottery, etc. but how likely will that happen in real life? There is also the illegal way of getting rich but let's not go there.

Another thought is, what defines happiness? The idealist will think that happiness has nothing to do with money, but to buy even the bare necessities, money is involved. Like what Maslow's hierachy of needs says, in order to reach our full potential, we have to first fulfill the basic needs from physiological, safety, love/belonging, esteem before we can reach self-actualization. Nobody can exhibit self-confidence and maintain relationships if they have to worry about filling that stomach and where to sleep that night. Therefore, to me, money is very important if not the most important factor in determining happiness.

Let me end by sharing this poem 'The Road Not Taken' by Robert Frost with you.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

I guess if I can't decide, I'll just start a new path and take a new road. Hopefully I don't come across obstacles which I can't cross and make a U-turn back to the same old junction where I'm standing right now.

Final Day at Athens

This will be my last entry on Athens. Sorry for the delay as I've lost a lot of my enthusiasm in blogging recently, plus, Day 5 wasn't as interesting as the previous four days. Nevertheless, I did have a good time and do miss Athens dearly.

First stop, Panathenaic Stadium

Made from white Pentelic marble, this stadium was restored as an exact replica of the ancient stadium which once stood here in the 4th century B.C. to host the first modern Olympiad. We were not allowed to go in, but we did visit the toilets there which was also made from marble and surprisingly the temperature in there was really cooling.

National Gardens

The thing which I liked about the gardens here is that you can see big juicy oranges hanging from most of the trees here. If only I'm not allergic....

Tomb of the unknown soldier:

Took photo with the guard but scared of standing too near. There's changing of guards every hour but we missed it.

Lunch:

From fried aubergines, Moussakas, fried calamaris, to something which I haven't ordered before, Soutzoukakia (spicy meatballs served in tomato based red sauce). By that time, we concluded that Greece is not a good place to go on a diet. There's olive oil everywhere and in great amounts. A commented that if we accumulate all the oil we had in our meals over the last 5 days, we could have a whole bottle of olive oil which we used to buy back home for cooking.

A lot of people often mistaken me for a Japanese tourist. Maybe it's because I was wearing my fishing hat and looked fairer thanks to the SPF50 sunblock which I'd applied.

Temple of Olympian Zeus:

One of the 16 columns lies on the ground as it fell udring a storm in the 19th century. While we were there, all of us thought that it was on purpose to show how the columns were constructed.

Kerameikos - ancient cemetery

It is the most ancient and biggest cemetery in Athens where citizens who were honoured by the city of Athens were burried. I got a surprise when I found this really huge tortoise happily eating the grass and a bigger surprise when I found 3 others.

Ancient Agora

The temple of Hephaistos is the best preserved temple. The only one with the roof intact and it was magnificient. Ancient Agora was something like the modern city centre, where people come to sell and buy goods, learn of the latest news, meet others to discuss matters etc. It has administrative buildings, temples and courts as well.

Finally, we made our way back to our hostel after buying kebab to eat on the way before our long 3 hour flight journey back to London. Thanks M for letting me camp in your room before I continued my journey back to Liverpool the next day. Luckily, there wasn't any rail works going on, so my journey from London to Liverpool took only 2 hours.

That is all from me on Athens. Hope that you've enjoyed reading it as much as I did blogging about it.

Now, I'll have to announce that I will be MIA for the next few weeks as I have my finals coming up real soon. Anyone who has any luck to spare, please lend it to me from middle of June till beginning of July. Good luck to everyone who are having their exams too!

P.s. I'm afraid that if I do blog in the next few weeks, most if not all of them will be emo blogs. So, keep away from my blog if you don't want to be overwhelmed by despair. Don't say I didn't warn you.