Frustrated and shocked

What will you feel if suddenly you realised that your senior is not competent at all and that you're left all alone to save a patient's life?

Seriously, I can't believe that this happened. I was suddenly called by the nurse while I was struggling with a difficult cannula as the visiting registrar was looking for me, plus it sounded urgent. So, I somehow managed to quickly put in the cannula and went over. He told me patient suddenly stopped breathing and just stood one side while I rushed to the patient ordering the nurses to take down the vital signs, give oxygen and bring the crash trolley.

Throughout the whole resuscitation up till me bagging the patient, he just stood there and do nothing! I mean, at least he could have ordered oxygen when the patient turned blue in front of him but he just stood there. My nurse even had to get another lecturer to come over to help me. I seriously couldn't believe that there's qualified physicians of this standard in this era. This was hopeless. I was already trying desperately to cope alone as there were no other houseman sent to help me while my partner was on long medical leave and there's still unqualified senior around. I felt like I was seriously in the deepest end of the sea drowning and there's no one there who can help me. By the time my lecturer arrived, the patient had already stabilised and was transferred to the acute bay.

I thought that the drama was over but in the afternoon, when I finally had the opportunity to go down to the radiology department to beg for urgent scans, I received an urgent call from my staff nurse that another patient collapsed. Great, I ran all the way back as fluid resuscitation couldn't be given as her hand with the cannula was already swollen. Usually I don't panic when these things happen, but knowing that all my other seniors are in clinic that afternoon and there's only me looking after the ward while I was trying desperately to set another cannula in an oedematous patient doesn't help with confidence at all. At least my staff nurse tried helping me but desperate times require desperate measures. I managed to set my first external jugular venous access.

To cut a long story short, my 2nd patient who crashed that day survived. Haih......At least my lecturer ran back from clinic just in time when I've already done what I could for her.

I hate working alone. I dread going to work these days. I need a break before I go crazy.