What am I Doing?????

That is the question which I keep on asking myself since I got back from London 4 days ago. I was supposed to at least complete half of my Critical Thinking Module (CTM, 1200 words) and settle my Risk Assessment form for my electives application before the start of term, which is tomorrow. On top of that, I was planning to at least attempt the Professional Development Document and do some revision over the holidays.

Progress so far: Completed risk assessment form, but still need to go back to the travel clinic to get the revised version approved. Very complicated. Not only did I get something like a half an hour lecture on all the different types of diseases in Malaysia during my visit last Friday, plus I had to redo the whole thing to include risk of accidents, etc. Hopefully I can get this done asap.

CTM - have been postponing this again and again. Keep on saying to myself that it will be easy to do once I've started. But no.....it was really difficult. I don't know why. Just couldn't sit down and start writing. Either I'll feel really sleepy while starting to read the online journals, or some new episode of anime was just released. I have a feeling that anime, movies and dramas will be my downfall one day. Professional Development document? Will have to be postponed till after I've handed in CTM this Friday.

With so many things left undone, came SSM 5 at the worst moment ever. My convenor requested for a short summary of what will I plan to do before Sunday! Yikes. Thought that I could relax a bit this weekend, but sadly.

I hate this feeling when I can predict how hectic my life will be once the new term starts. There will be loads of PBL to do, loads of essays, loads of travelling to hospital attachments, clinics, GPs, lots of society work to do as well.

I always envy people who can juggle so many things together at the same time and who can live by just studying and not be distracted by any movies or animes. Just want to be like them. Was always hoping that I was a genius, don't have to study, can pass everything easily. How I wish but I know my own capabilities.

People always say there is no such thing as no time. You have to make time for it!

I always say, if there were more than 24 hours a day, I will use the extra hours to sleep :P

Thinking back to secondary school, I didn't know how did I manage to just focus and study that hard for SPM. I was still hardworking during the days in Banting but still lazier than SPM. It is just really bad that I am getting lazier and lazier as I grow older, but the irony is that there are more to cover and more things to do!

There's this saying which goes, 'Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it'. If I give up on anime, give up on movies, give up on drama.....and hopefully pass 3rd year without resit. Can I be proud of that? Sounds stupid, but giving all those up is like giving half of my life up. Maybe my first step will be to cut down.

So, new year resolution:

1. Cut down on anime, movies and dramas
2. Complete all tasks on time. Don't procrastinate!
3. Do PBL properly! (Keep telling myself this but I never do. This time I must!)
4. Start revision early. (This is going to be really hard...almost impossible)
5. Go for sports regularly. (Have to practice 'making time' for this one)

After writing all these, I do feel much better. I do wonder if there will be a time when I don't live everyday with regrets. I guess, it does feel great when I get to look back and remember that I did try my hardest to accomplish whatever that I am doing right now and not regret.

I just hope that this day will come soon......