Where did all the fun go?

When did studying started becoming a chore? When did I start hating school? When did studying become a must and not a choice made from free will?

Nowadays it's rushing for datelines, meeting the grades, achieving the minimum in order to proceed to the next stage. The unwanted pressure + stress + guilt + restrictions that is packaged with it. Does that sound fun to you? To me, guilt from the lack of motivation and not doing any homework or revision is the worst among them.

When we were kids, we learned so much just through playing. We played all day and night. I especially, was not very keen on sleeping as chasing after creepy crawlies in the night time seemed more interesting. That of course, wasn't making my parents very happy.

School then started. Kindergarten was practically a playground for me. Even then, it was 90% of play time and 10% of doing homework. I skipped happily to school each weekday as I will be able to meet so many friends to play with. As the last bell rang, I would feel sad as I couldn't bring my friends back home to continue our game. Homework was fun for me as it became a hobby to collect the different stamps teachers stamp on your workbook once you've completed it. There were dance classes, PE lessons, recess times. I felt that learning was effortless at that time as my brain absorbed everything so quickly.

Soon, a few years into primary school. Studying didn't seem enjoyable anymore. Everyone was graded based on their results. The whole study process became so exam orientated and every single student were judged based on just one single criteria - academic achievement. Thus, the fear and embarrassment from not performing well became more apparent.

It was in Standard 3 that I told my first lie. I told my dad that I got the top 3 in class whereas in actual fact, I was placed at number 8. How guilty I felt! The lie didn't last very long as I made my father promise not to scold me before I revealed it. My life long hatred towards the Chinese language began as well. I started to hate it as I gave up trying to catch up with everyone else but at the same time, struggled with the frustration and disappointment for another 6 years.

Since then, the fun kept decreasing as years go by. Even with the joy and rewards that came with achieving good results, the fun just didn't return.

Will it ever return? I have no idea but I will always welcome it with open arms. Will the time come when I can say that studying is fun?