This is really frustrating. I know that I'll be really busy in the following week and yet I can't find any motivation to start doing my work which is piling up by the second. Very soon I will not be able to write on my table as it'll be a mountain of books, papers, stationeries, and I might be buried underneath if an avalanche ever happened.
I've kinda like started doing some but it is crawling. If I went to a race with a snail, I think I will even lose to it. And the worst part is, everything else seems so much more interesting besides the work which needs to be done. Even the replay of BBC's hard talk session with Dr. Mahathir for the 3rd time was still more entertaining than my own work. Sometimes I wonder if I am qualified to be a medical student as it seems like medicine doesn't interest me at all.
When I thought that the situation was at its worst, I realised I even lost interest in anime, movies and even my keyboard! First thing which came to my mind, I was suffering from anhedonia, one of the symptoms of depression. Then as I started revising about depression, the more I became depressed as my condition fitted more of the screening criteria. Now this is one of the disadvantages of studying medicine - knowing too much.
Diagnosis of major depression:
Loss of interest or pleasure (anhedonia) in daily life with really low mood plus more than 4 of the following symptoms present nearly everyday for at least 2 weeks:
Ok, I've experienced anhedonia. Let's take a look at the rest.
1. Poor appetite with weight loss (or rarely, increased appetite)
Hmm, was hoping for some weight loss.
2. Early waking with mood worse in the mornings
I hoped that I could wake up early as I need to rush every morning.
3. Psychomotor retardation (sluggish thought process or paucity of spontaneous movement) or psychomotor agitation (the opposite)
At the rate of doing my homework and even writing this entry, my slowness can beat the sloth any time.
4. Decreased in sexual drive and other appetites
Decreased appetite for anime, movies and even naps.
5. Reduced ability to concentrate
This one is so true. I just cannot read the whole paragraph.
6. Ideas of worthlessness or inappropriate guilt
I'm feeling really guilty for developing too good a skill in procrastinating.
7. Recurrent thought of death and suicide, or suicide attempts
Not worth it. Already study so hard to reach here then only want to end it all? Still have so many opportunities to enjoy life.
Ok, ok. I'm exaggerating here. Depression can only be diagnosed if you've experience lost of interest plus more than 4 of the above symptoms almost everyday for at least 2 weeks. My situation is just lack of motivation to do homework and having low mood from reading up about depression I guess. In conclusion, studying medicine can be a cause of depression.
If any of you meet the criteria above, I do advise you to speak to somebody preferably your GP (doctor), counsellor or someone qualified. Now, where is my motivation hiding? Come out come out wherever you are......
I've kinda like started doing some but it is crawling. If I went to a race with a snail, I think I will even lose to it. And the worst part is, everything else seems so much more interesting besides the work which needs to be done. Even the replay of BBC's hard talk session with Dr. Mahathir for the 3rd time was still more entertaining than my own work. Sometimes I wonder if I am qualified to be a medical student as it seems like medicine doesn't interest me at all.
When I thought that the situation was at its worst, I realised I even lost interest in anime, movies and even my keyboard! First thing which came to my mind, I was suffering from anhedonia, one of the symptoms of depression. Then as I started revising about depression, the more I became depressed as my condition fitted more of the screening criteria. Now this is one of the disadvantages of studying medicine - knowing too much.
Diagnosis of major depression:
Loss of interest or pleasure (anhedonia) in daily life with really low mood plus more than 4 of the following symptoms present nearly everyday for at least 2 weeks:
Ok, I've experienced anhedonia. Let's take a look at the rest.
1. Poor appetite with weight loss (or rarely, increased appetite)
Hmm, was hoping for some weight loss.
2. Early waking with mood worse in the mornings
I hoped that I could wake up early as I need to rush every morning.
3. Psychomotor retardation (sluggish thought process or paucity of spontaneous movement) or psychomotor agitation (the opposite)
At the rate of doing my homework and even writing this entry, my slowness can beat the sloth any time.
4. Decreased in sexual drive and other appetites
Decreased appetite for anime, movies and even naps.
5. Reduced ability to concentrate
This one is so true. I just cannot read the whole paragraph.
6. Ideas of worthlessness or inappropriate guilt
I'm feeling really guilty for developing too good a skill in procrastinating.
7. Recurrent thought of death and suicide, or suicide attempts
Not worth it. Already study so hard to reach here then only want to end it all? Still have so many opportunities to enjoy life.
Ok, ok. I'm exaggerating here. Depression can only be diagnosed if you've experience lost of interest plus more than 4 of the above symptoms almost everyday for at least 2 weeks. My situation is just lack of motivation to do homework and having low mood from reading up about depression I guess. In conclusion, studying medicine can be a cause of depression.
If any of you meet the criteria above, I do advise you to speak to somebody preferably your GP (doctor), counsellor or someone qualified. Now, where is my motivation hiding? Come out come out wherever you are......
3 comments:
i think u just experience near-exam-boring-but-still-have-to-study-boringness syndrome.
Its treatable. 1 or 2 days bedrest after exam would help.
ang yang lazy sign in
noreen, i think i also having the same disease as you hehe probably because it's spring i guess. haha
this one is have to do PBL, SSM and revision at the same time syndrome. very stressful. exam in beginning of june.
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