Hang on, just hang in there

I am going to conclude that January is my unlucky month. Started on A&E rotation which is practically killing me slowly already. First time in my life, failed an MCQ test by 3 marks and I'll have to re-read that thick ALS book again. Not only that, I'll have to rearrange to resit it some other time.

Today, I found out that I forgot to update my calendar on my computer, so, ended up missing a module which I was supposed to attend (after they canceled the initial time that I signed up for and I totally forgot about the rescheduled date) yesterday. And that was the last module arranged for this rotation. What if there are no more available modules in the next rotation? What if I can't complete it before my portfolio is due? What if...... I just want to kick myself for forgetting about it.

Just now, one nurse asked me if I'd inserted the cannula into a patient's hand, which I did but I don't know why I kept on interpreting that she was asking if I'd catheterised the patient, so I answered 'no' twice. Finally, I realised what she was getting at and she reminded me to record down that I was the one who inserted the cannula. Haih....brain already shutdown.

Why are there so many patients who are only able to understand and speak Cantonese? And why are there no other doctors around who can speak the dialect? Why am I always called to handle them? My Cantonese is horrible, and I don't even know any medical terms not mentioning the name of parts of the body. No one will say Kidneys or Intestines in daily conversation, do they? I only picked up Cantonese through watching TVB dramas, and rarely I hear them mention any medical terms. Haih.....

Cases....need to get 18 of that, prepare 2 presentations, all before I can complete this module without fail. By the time I get home, I'm already half dead and without any motivation to even read anything medically related. I need something to inspire me. In these dark moments, I just wonder did I make the right choice in doing medicine? Have I gotten any joy from practicing medicine? How did I end up suffering like this? What's the point? I still get patients who are pissed at you cause you don't follow what they want you to do for them. Remind me somebody, why on earth am I becoming a doctor? Maybe I should just change my profession.

Enough of all the ramblings......I'm so not looking forward to the 36 hours oncall in Malaysia. I don't think I can handle it. I'll end up killing a few patients due to extreme tiredness. The existence of the the long oncalls just bewilders me cause there's an excess of housemans in Malaysia at the moment. I hope that they abolish it soon.